©2012 Am Ang Zhang
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am sure we all have been asked the great “what
if…..” question. I was fortunate enough in my practice to have had some “lucky”
breaks.
Given my interest in the very young, now
and again we had some strange cases that tested our ingenuity to the
limit. No amount of SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake
inhibitors) would be able to help. Often
it was a clear battle of wills, a battle between the consultant and someone
barely one sixth his age.
That this particular child had already
beaten two adults with a combined age well over ten times hers should have been
a clear warning to me on what I was to take on.
The contestant was a little girl
nearing five years of age who had developed an addiction to Huggies. Yes,
Huggies.
It could well be the success of
advertising or it could be the future of the human race, I joked to the nursing
staff as the desperate parents agreed that the girl should be admitted to the
children’s ward for “nappy withdrawal”.
The problem was simply this. She needed
to put on a disposable nappy in order to pass urine, or do
No. 1, as she put it. At her age, she
required the biggest size available. The
cost had been piling up. As it seemed so
trivial, the parents never sought help until now when school days were
imminent. It would not be possible to contemplate her going to school with
nappies.
With our enlightened staff, admission
to the paediatric ward was no longer the traumatic experience it used to
be. This little girl soon settled in and
was promoted to be the No. 1 helper around the ward.
However, whenever she needed to, she
helped herself to a nappy, and after performing, took it off and put it in the appropriate
bin. She worked that one out in no time at all.
One nil.
I needed to come up with a battle plan
quickly. The ward was fast running out
of the giant nappies and I had no intention to
make a special requisition.
“That is it. I HAVE AN IDEA.”
I found a large clean plastic bag and
put all the nappies in it. There were three. I gave it to my opponent and said, “These are
the last three and, when you have finished, there will be no more.
Unperturbed she snatched the bag from
me as if to say, “Not a problem, doc.”
I went on with the rest of the morning
round and went to the clinic.
After the day’s main clinics, I decided
to have a peep.
“She used two of the nappies and is now down to the last. She carries it
around with her. It is becoming quite a sight.”
Sister told me.
Everybody knew I was not going to win
this one, but were prepared to see it to the end.
By now she was quite urgent and you
could see she was struggling a bit. Her last performance was over three hours
ago.
She looked at her nappy,
thought about it, and then something curious happened.
She went to her favourite nurse and
took her by the hand, “Will you take me?”
She sat on the toilet and passed urine,
still holding on to the nappy. There was a sudden cheer from all the mothers. My head was visibly
doubling in size.
“Well done!”
Shortly after, Sister took me to the side and
asked, “What if she did use the last nappy? What
would you have done?”
“Sometimes there just is no what if. You have to do certain thing as
if it were the only way.”
Her family went on their planned
camping holiday in the South of France and from there they sent a post card.
“Yes! It is still working. We have
truly cracked it or you have. Thanks a million. We are all having a lovely
time.”
In early 2007, a female astronaut wore
a nappy in order to drive non stop to
threaten another woman, a rival in love.
No, she was not my patient.
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